If you have lived through a very painful past then you are able to understand how exhausting and emotionally dark it can be to recount these experiences… you feel the pain and turmoil all over again — as though you have purposely gone back for more. Who would want to do that to themselves? That is why many never come to healing because they fear the process – but you do not have to.
I recently had a taste of this experience upon my visit home to Wisconsin. After several days into my visit, I scheduled a day to go and visit several friends from the past. I had not previously taken the opportunity to tell some of the details of my recent journey and felt free to share more of my story during this visit. All went well with these friends and I enjoyed my time, but that night in my sleep a floodgate of pain poured into my soul. Upon waking, I felt like I had lost the victorious ground I’d gained – like I had traveled back to a very broken place in my climb; what happened? This experience caused me to think about why this occurred.
When we re-enter the large room of our painful past and relive it, that doesn’t mean we are still there. It may feel that way momentarily, but what we do with these feelings will determine how we think. We can choose to restructure our minds and return to the place of peace God has given or continue ruminating upon the feelings that have resurfaced.
Many face fear when thinking of their past, and so leaving it alone is the solution they choose; yet God has a better way. In my view, if you are not holding tightly to God’s healing hand and being guided by the power His Word offers, it is a fearful and dangerous proposition to regurgitate the past. Hope and healing that proceed from your Creator’s heart is the safest arena from which to process the painful experiences you’ve lived through.
Truthfully acknowledging that we have suffered is honest and right to do. Bringing into the light all that is darkness (or sin) is needful (I John 1:7). Forgiving our offender is necessary (Matt 6:14-15) and is a process that we want to pursue; a good counselor/mentor can help with that. Allow God to set things straight (Romans 12:19). Healing from the wounds is God’s will and if you desire that, it can happen — that’s is God’s specialty.
I’m thankful our hearts and minds can be powerfully renewed and rebuilt through the Holy Spirit’s work in us. Sharing our testimony about what God has done for us is good. When Jesus Christ suffered and died for sin, He offered the possibility for us to gain freedom from our past. This includes sin we have committed as well as those committed against us. Jesus suffered the awful price and penalty for our sin on the cross 2000+ years ago, we are now left to respond to this great gift He offers. How we appropriate His sacrifice for sin will determine our freedom and healing, or not.
If you are struggling concerning the pain of your past, through poor decisions made and/or violations committed against you, I hope this helps you in your climb to freedom. God’s plan is to recover and deliver you from destruction. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy us, but Jesus said He came to give us abundant life! (John 10:10).
There is hope for you! No matter what your journey has been, remember God can redeem it and give you great purpose in your future because of it.
This is part 1 of a 2 part message. We will look at the steps to recovery and deliverance from the pain in the next message.
1 John 1:7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
Matthew 6:14-15For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Romans 12:19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.
John 10:10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
Are you a disciple? … one who is willing to be taught, learn and grow in your understanding of the Scripture and then live out what you are learning. The truth is you will recognize a disciple by the fruit of their life. What a person gives their time and energy to reveals their heart and soul. It determines their interests and makes clear who or what they are serving. Disciples KNOW where their IDENTITY lies (Col. 2:10).
SIN in our world — When we hear of a mass shooting or some other wickedness perpetrated against human beings, are you left dumb-founded, finding it difficult to understand what is happening? Do you ask, “How can someone do something like that?” Scripture tells us we are seeing manifestations of evil, schemes devised by Satan to “steal, kill and destroy…” (John 10:10) through a person whose life is given over to sin.
I find it interesting that Christians will acknowledge SIN, yet often they try to find help for spiritual problems with a system that does not have this 3-letter word in their vocabulary. The DSMMD (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) cannot acknowledge this as a diagnosis, yet sin is the foundational cause of man’s problems. We live in a fallen sin-cursed world and need a victorious, hope-filled solution that is found in Christ. We are told in Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart, for out of it flows all the issue of life“. True deliverance from oppression, including anxiety attacks, depression, overwhelming fear and mental anguish can have organic (physiological) involvement, yet many neglect the first and primary place of importance to investigate and that is the spiritual heart and soul. This is where sin has its effects. This is why being a disciple and offering yourself to the ministry of discipling (teaching, admonishing in obedience to God and His Word) others is so important.
I am thankful for men and women of God who have been surrendered to the leadership of the Holy Spirit and have been used by God as teachers and godly examples to us. Paul admonishes Timothy, the young pastor at Ephesus, as a son in the faith to teach to others the things that Paul had taught him. (2Timony 2:2) He went on to say that Timothy should find faithful men (and women) that he could teach and disciple and then, in turn, these would do the same for others. This is the pattern of the early church and one we need to carry on today.
Derek Prince
I want to briefly share with you the ministry of Derek Prince; an Englishman who together with his inspiring wives (Lydia and after her death, Ruth), served as godly examples as followers of Jesus Christ.
A brilliant man who began his studies in philosophy and while reading the Scripture, as a philosophical work, became a follower of God. He taught the scripture with profound clarity, under the anointing the Holy Spirit. Derek passed away in September of 2003 yet his godly legacy lives on in many nations of the world today.
Derek’s teaching has helped many of us who have walked through periods of struggle against the spiritual forces of wickedness in our world (Sermon: Spiritual Warfare on Earth). Educated as a scholar of Greek and Latin at Eton College and Cambridge University, England, he held a Fellowship in Ancient and Modern Philosophy at King’s College. He also studied several modern languages, including Hebrew and Aramaic, at Cambridge University and the Hebrew University in Jerusalem.
For those who have not heard or read Derek Prince, I would urge you to take time and listen to the links here, or on my RESOURCE page. He was also gifted in teaching on the spiritual realm and understanding the present spiritual battle we are in with Satan, demons, and workers of iniquity. When you look at our world, yet do not understand or acknowledge spiritual forces you are left with only a partial view of what is taking place around you.
LINKS: Derek Prince Biographical Summary and 10-minute video documentary of his life. Lydia Prince taking in orphaned children in Ramalla, Israel, 30-minute video of two of their daughters testimony, the war-torn situation, Derek’s testimony of marrying Lydia and becoming father to her eight adopted children.
May I admonish you to become a disciple if you are not one yet? This will not happen by default. Begin by reading the Word of God daily and asking the Holy Spirit to teach you from the Scripture. Become engaged in a fellowship of believer’s where Truth is not hindered. No church offers everything, so find one that has something solid you can embrace and carry on with the ministry of reconciliation to those around you (2Corinthians 5:18). Those called to ministry are there to equip you to DO the work of the ministry (Ephesians 4:11-12).
My gifting and calling is teaching and discipling others; while doing that the Holy Spirit gives me discernment and insight based upon God’s Word into situations before me. We were created to be His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do His work (Ephesians 2:10) and He supplies what we need. God takes us, our personality and the gifts He bestows and is able to use our lives for His glory IF we set that as our goal.
Where’s your focus today? Do you want to become fruitful in His Kingdom and make a difference in your world? It will require effort and focused determination to not be swayed by the allurements of this fallen world. A disciple is a disciplined one who follows their Master. Jesus is our Savior, Priest, and soon coming King. Will you be happy to see Him upon His return or ashamed that you squandered your earthly days with lesser things that amounted to little – having no eternal value? I pray you will decide to become the best disciple you can for God’s glory and for the benefit of those around you.
The most fulfilling life on earth is experienced by the one who understands who they are in Christ and follows the Holy Spirit’s leading into a deeper walk with Him.
Grief of soul demonstrates the great value someone has placed upon a person, place or thing.
Anyone who has passed through the dark valley of grief knows what a painful trek it is. Death, divorce or some major loss brings us to this difficult journey. Whether the event was expected or not, it requires diligence to come out on the other side with a healthy sense of acceptance and closure.
Moving God into the center of your world is important during this process. Perhaps He has been a small piece of your pie and grief has brought you to a place of desperation, asking “How will I get through this?” I believe that unless we place God largely in the center of our circle, we will have deleterious ramifications from the loss we’ve suffered.
Sometimes we realize through our grief that we had placed too much hope or confidence in a person, place or thing. It often takes losing, before we realize this. (Psalm 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.)
His Faithfulness
God alone is sinless, faithful, and completely true; He will never default on anything He has promised. He will go with us through every heartache and trial we face. He is the supreme companion every sojourner in life should have. Some have chosen wisely and have clasped His outstretched hand; others refuse and commiserate through life’s difficulties, coping with poor substitutes. God is the only one worthy of all of our love, devotion and complete dedication. When we suffer a major loss, we have Him and that makes all the difference. We will never come up short or empty-handed when we are holding onto Him.
I have gone through great loss and grief over the separation and ending of my marriage of 36 years. Even though I have held tightly to God’s Hand throughout these years, I have experienced much grief.
When we love someone and then lose them, a part of us goes missing. This new life without them causes us to feel awkward and it becomes difficult to adjust. Grief is a necessary part of the loss but left unchecked and lingering too long, it can be destructive to our soul. When loneliness sets in, close friends can fill that gap for a while but eventually, you will need to choose how to fill the hole left in your heart. Too often, many choose another substitute — a person perhaps, but find out that nothing should fill this void but God.
Those who choose to place God and His love in the center of their heart (on the throne) will come through this difficult period by God’s grace and will have grown. You’ve heard the better vs. bitter quote, and it’s true! If there remains unforgiveness toward God over your loss — or unforgiveness toward another person — bitterness will ruin you. Grief is designed to realign us with God, our Creator and the lover of our soul.
If you have suffered loss and are walking through the minefield of grief, consider trusting God by handing it ALL over to Him, asking Him to fill you afresh with hope for your future. (May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV). God’s Manual explains and offers this hope in its pages; having a mentor to guide through this time is helpful too. God supplied me with some wonderful people who counseled me through the most difficult days. I was hungry and eager to learn; I wanted God to remake me through this experience. How I thank Him for abundant goodness and the abounding Hope He has placed within my soul.
A friend recently asked why I felt she was struggling so in her situation. I replied that I believe for anyone of us the difference lay in these two places:
1. Believing that God can use all of your trials for His glory if you seek to understand the formula He has for us in His Word. Restructuring your thought-life is necessary for receiving this miracle from God. 2. Choosing to live victoriously through God’s provision versus dwelling in victimization and ruminating upon what has happened to you. We can all understand betrayal and abuse at some level. In order to move forward, we must forgive and leave the results with God.
Recently, my pastor shared an illustration concerning where we place our focus and the results of looking back in the rear-view mirror versus looking forward at the road ahead and all its possibilities. I’ve set my gaze upon Heaven, my only true home, everything between here and there is in God’s Hands. The words of a contemporary worship song says: Lord, I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed, You’re where my help comes from, give me vision, to see things like you do… He gives me vision to see things like He does or to simply trust Him when I cannot see ahead.
Keep your eyes ahead, Keep your hand in His, forgive and move toward Heaven, no turning back… no turning back.
Romans 8:14-15 (AMP) “ For all who are allowing themselves to be led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading again to fear [of God’s judgment], but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons [the Spirit producing sonship] by which we [joyfully] cry, “Abba! Father!”
As God’s adopted children, knowing our position in the Kingdom of God gives us the confidence we need to overcome fear. Remember who your Father is — Creator, Sustainer, and Ruler of heaven and earth! Romans, Chapter 8 declares that as obedient children in God’s family we can be free from condemnation and live as His own adopted children, available to freely serve our Father as He created us to. Fear is a major hindrance that binds us from this freedom.
Fear is used by the enemy of our soul to keep us from moving forward into an abundant life of Christ in us. God has provided everything we need to live fully for Him in this world (II Peter 1:3-4.) The infilling of the Holy Spirit gives us the power to overcome our flesh (I John 2:16), and the spirit of this world (I John 4:4), and the demon schemes. As we learn to yield everything to God we become free from the bondage of fear and the enemy’s influence upon our lives.
When we find ourselves in a place of submission under our Heavenly Father in the spiritual realm, we see that fearing a person is a snare. God grants us authority in His Kingdom when we desire a relationship with Him and walk in close fellowship with Him. We are told by Jesus Himself not to fear man, but God. Prov. 29:25 (AMP) ”The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high.” Mt 10:28 (KJV) “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. “ Heb 13:6 (KJV)”So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”
Fear carries with it doubt and unbelief. Our fear of failure, or how we are viewed by others, reveals our human nature. Human fear, which is rooted in pride, brings us to a place of insecurity and defeat. This fear of man reveals whether we are truly trusting (believing) in Christ as our source, or in our own abilities. Healthy fear equals reverence toward God our Maker.
I Peter 1:17 (AMP) says, “And if you call upon Him as [your] Father Who judges each one impartially according to what he does, [then] you should conduct yourselves with true reverence throughout the time of your temporary residence [on the earth, whether long or short]. “ We need to focus upon the reality of Christ and His purpose for living and dying for us; our perspective will then be adjusted and lined up with God’s.
We are commissioned to share the gospel of our Lord, Jesus Christ; we need a relationship with Him in order to carry out our Father’s business. We cannot do His bidding unless we walk under His authority—as Jesus did.
Loving the world’s ways works against our fellowship/relationship with the Father. It is impossible to maintain both loves at the same time. It would be like a spouse with a secret lover, affection, or idol–you cannot have a full relationship with someone who’s divided, unfaithful. To walk in openness and truth, we must keep the covenant we made with Him. I John 2:15-16 (AMP) says, “Do not love or cherish the world or the things that are in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him.” But when we are in a relationship with him, we love as He loves us. 1 John 4:18 (AMP) says, “ There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love [a]turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear [b]brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection]. “
Remember, God’s objective is to fill your life with Himself, use you in His Kingdom and for His glory which results in great joy and fulfillment. The objective of God by filling us with the Holy Spirit is to enable us to love as He loves, to walk without fear in this world, and be a witness for Jesus Christ. This lack of fear and abundance of love will allow you to walk victoriously. II Timothy 1: 7-8 (AMP) “ For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control]. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord or about me His prisoner, but with me take your share of suffering for the gospel [continue to preach regardless of the circumstances], in accordance with the power of God [for His power is invincible].”
I was fearful, afraid to broach the subject, so nervous inside, my stomach filled with acid, my heart pounded and I wondered how I could possibly confront this. I have been through this so many times before; previous attempts at trying to deal with the problem have failed. But what IS the problem?! It’s so elusive; I can’t quite put my finger on it. I’ve been told I’m a bit crazy, suspicious, going overboard… “relax; maybe some medication will help you chill out a bit“. Why try? Avoid– that’s it! I’ll just lay low and pray and hopefully, time will fix all of this. Yes, don’t think you have to do everything. Lots of people have problems… you’re blowing things out of proportion. Remember last time you said something and it turned into a huge war? The kids think I’m going crazy too. What’s wrong with me? Do I have a mental problem? Maybe I am going crazy? Help…
These thoughts are common among those in relationship with someone who has a secret. Secrecy is what keeps sin alive.
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality… Are you lashing out in anger at those around you when asked a question? Are you isolating, turning inward? Using your device (phone) in order to avoid others? Do you see your indifference toward life; toward others? No depth in meaningful conversation, have you become unthankful, unholy, defiled? Have your self-centered lusts blinded you? This warning is written in love for your soul, urging you to flee and become free.
Galatians 5:19-21 (ESV) Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Spouse, parent, child… UNDERSTAND that fits of anger are normal for those who continue to harbor a hidden sinful life. When you press on something that touches the secret of one whose heart has been damaged, get ready for pushback, blame, and skilled manipulation. Some have honed this so well they can intimidate you into thinking they are innocent in the midst of their fits. They want you to back off, acting like you are the cause for their anger. Remember, they are responsible for their anger and steps to healing. Satan loves this drama and scornfully laughs, delighting in the deceptive work of his hands.
IDOLATRY: Someone who continues to indulge in selfish pleasure rather than serving God, and their family, is an idolater. A sexually impure person is covetous. Short of repentance, they will face judgment and reserve their place in hell forever. Think of that; a person who is willing to be forever separated from God and those they love! Why? Because they loved their sin more!
So, what can I do? First, PRAY for someone caught in the web of sexual immorality; ask God to give them godly sorrow (delineated in 2Corinthians 7:9-11) so they will repent. Prayer will also give you spiritual authority to stand strong upon God’s Word while walking through the battlefield you’re in. It will give you the ability to love their soul while hating the sin they’re involved with. Secondly, speak the truth in love, confront with God’s Word (Ephesians 4:15). Don’t coddle sin in any form; sin must be destroyed, completely rooted out and revealed; brought into the light (I John 1:7). Like the serpent it is, the head must be severed allowing the twisting body to die. The only way someone will become free is to hate the sin the way God does.
Ephesians 5:5 (ESV) For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
It is heartbreaking to see families torn apart by sin; it is happening all around us. Whether you’re the one who’s been hiding sin or the betrayed party(s), respond to God. God will avenge all unrighteousness. Rather than hold unforgiveness in your heart, get before God and ask Him to help you, and receive godly counsel on how to walk in forgiveness. It will be a hard road, but worth it. Whether the marriage survives infidelity or not, forgiveness will still be your issue to pursue. Betrayal in any form is painful and will greatly affect you if you do not come to a place of forgiveness and wholeness.
Romans 12:19 (ESV) Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
The Book of Proverbs says that a fool only expresses their own opinion and does not want to listen to wise counsel. In Proverbs, chapters 4-6, there is strong counsel about staying away from situations that will lead to sexual sin. What we allow to enter our hearts, and then ponder, think about and entertain, will determine our actions. That is why we are told to guard our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
EDUCATION on SEX:
Masturbation is sin, no matter what your own thinking, school sex-ed class, or a therapist may tell you. Sexual pleasure was created by God for a husband and wife only and within the covenant of marriage. Self-sex will corrupt you in several ways:
1. You are deceived in thinking it’s harmless and you become a deceiver to your spouse by engaging in self-sex. If you are single, you are developing a wrong view of the gift of sexuality, it was not designed for idolatrous self-gratification. For others, they resort to this for self-soothing but find it to be further bondage, entrapping them in their past suffering.
2. Sexual intimacy involves giving; when you’ve trained your mind to be a taker/receiver of pleasure only, this will grow and take you down a very dark path (read below). You’ve changed the purpose of sexual relationship and will pay a great price for that.
3. You betray your spouse by not sharing sexual intimacy with her/him. The hormones God designed for bonding within marriage are crucial to the success of being one; physical and spiritual oneness is the only way to truly know God’s perfect plan. When one party brings a “stranger” into the marriage bed it becomes defiled. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4. You end up “bonding” to the images you watch and you cannot serve two masters. You WILL be mastered by the images unless you renounce and flee from your sin.
4. You become spiritually impotent. Your compromised position will give your enemy (workers of darkness, demons) a foothold in you, forfeiting the authority of God in your life. This impotence will be seen in a lack of biblical leadership and the inability to love your spouse.
5. You’ll become physically impotent. You will need perverse sexual interactions in order to fulfill your lusts. If you are sexually habituated, you have perhaps unknowingly rewired your brain. You’ve addicted yourself to porn and your body no longer functions as God designed it to. (Good news is that you and change the wiring, see RESOURCES)
6. You will reap what you sow. Read Matthew 5:27-30, Hebrews 13:4, Romans 1:26-27, 1Corinthians 6:18.
There is HOPE. God has wonderfully designed us with hormones for sexual relationship, but when taken outside of the boundaries He established, these work against you. This is where sowing & reaping comes to bear. By restructuring the physiological brain, you can either become free or go deeper into destruction. By habitually indulging in pornography, people turn into devils, monsters of iniquity and many do not understand how they got there. God will not be mocked, flee as He warns. God sets captives free. But it takes action on your part.
Sin is incremental by nature, the downward spiral over time takes people to places they never imagined they would go. Ongoing sexual sin takes a soul into the places we see in our nation’s headlines. It should not be difficult to put two-and-two together: childhood sexual abuse, human sex-trafficking industry, rape, serial murder, sexual abuse of boys and girls in religious circles and the film and music industry… the wretched list on parade is endless. This downward spiral draws habituated people into one of three main areas of abuse toward others: sodomy, bestiality, and pedophilia — a sexual lust for children.
Statistics indicate those sexually molest children, first addicted their brain to pornography. As the physical brain changes so does the desire for more deviant stimuli to get the same “high”. You have a choice. The temptation to lust after pre-pubescent children to get your fix is diabolical. Flee! Satan delights in shame and the destruction of innocents. You become his fool; a pawn in his hand. You become a self-centered idolator and lose genuine concern for the well-being of others, choosing to satisfy the wicked lust that drives you. Why continue being tormented when Christ offers you freedom? The mind differs from your brain, it is “seated” in your heart according to scripture. This means you can change your mind, which will determine your actions and set you free from spiritual bondage. You can change your brain, once you decide to change your mind.
Look where sexual immorality has taken you and what you are doing to those around you… it affects everyone; no one is an island. …and getting married will not solve your problem, it will only pull more people into the pit with you. You alone must choose.
Just as the fool has said in his heart, “there is no God…” (Psalm 14:1), someone who professes to know Jesus Christ and continues in sexual sin, is like the proverbial fool. One day the revelation will come on the deception they lived under and what the pleasure of sin delivers (read Proverbs Chapter 4 & 5). Sin changes everything!
Let us all wake up and turn from any known sin in our lives, large or small. Fornication (pornea) of any kind will bring consequences, if not sooner, then later, as it did in my life. Satan, the master deceiver, comes along making shame and guilt appear larger than Truth and God’s forgiveness. His goal is to entrap people and finally, with glee, usher them into Hell for eternity.
If we could see into the spiritual realm active here on earth, it would be astounding to know what our loving Father is constantly protecting us from! We must gain a healthy reverence for God and face the reality of what His inspired Word says about sexual immorality. Hate the sin and stay far from it! Become grateful, thank Him, fear Him, renounce your sin and repent with godly sorrow. He desires to set you free.
For further learning on overcoming sexual immorality go to RESOURCES. Photo Credit: Canva, Family/Rodolfo Quirós/Pexels.