I was struggling with frustration recently… and let’s be honest, frustration is rooted in anger.
I found an article in my counseling folder that helped me so much in my early days with the tremendous struggle I faced in my crumbling marriage. I must have kept it to return to often during those days of climbing out of my pit of confusion and despair. Well, it helped me today with a non-marriage issue I am facing, and I decided it may also help you or a friend who may need good advice in this area.
I recall in one of my Biblical counseling classes, a case study we reviewed which reminded me of something very useful. The example illustrated was of a distressed, frustrated young married couple. The counselor said, “Ask yourself, ‘What am I wanting so badly that I am willing to sin to get it?‘” This couple had been fighting, and they were so focused on blaming the other that divorce bombs were flying through their minds. They found themselves miserable in this self-exalting sinful behavior with no apparent way out. Oh, do I remember being stuck in that myself!
Often, we need to Step Back and look at our situation through the eyes of another. A good counselor can help us do this. Looking through a lens that removes us from the immediate pain can help us see more clearly.
A few questions…
When I experience frustration (internalized anger), I need to ask, “Why? What am I personally after here?” Then ask myself: “Do I want to glorify God in thissituation?” Wow, that sure helps me sort through the motives and desires of my heart. Ouch!
I hope you see results as you open your heart to God and ask the Holy Spirit to show you what you haven’t been able to see. Also, thank God for the kind of friends who pray for you and who love you enough to speak the Truth (found in God’s Word) in love to you. If that’s not happening, perhaps you need to humbly invite someone in to do it.
Abused, hurt, and angry dogs bite and growl, shooing away people who love them and care. But broken, wounded, humble ones get rescued and loved.
Remember, God wants to use us for His Glory. Our submission to that precept is the first step.
Here’s a blog article by Leslie Vernick: Anger Has a Short-Term Purpose. This may help you understand the purpose of some kinds of anger and move you on to a healthy solution.
When life seems quite overwhelming, and you feel the need to take charge. Be careful you honor the scripture. for pains of consequence are large. If you will take gently a step back, consider your ways and be wise, you’ll soon see your Father’s instruction, in your situation proved wise.
Step back and make room for the Lord, give time for His will to reveal. Instead of you charging forward, with error your future to seal. Wait! God will in His timing, use peace to measure the score. And if that is not present within you, Step back, do not engage war.
God guides by these simple treasures, His Word, obedience, and peace. And when, all these three are present, the warring and tumult will cease. So step back and do an assessment, and see where you’re missing the mark, adjust and then humbly go forward, with God’s favor and peace in your heart.
Dear Father, You are in Heaven yet among us, your name is holy. May your kingdom come, your will be done today on earth as you desire in Heaven. Give me this day, all I need, food, shelter, your presence. Forgive me of my sins, just as you expect me to forgive others (with a free heart, not a blaming, accusing heart). I ask you to abide in me, keeping me from all temptation toward sin and please guard me from all evil today and for as long as I live. I belong to your Kingdom and I live for your glory. Amen
My Spiritual Battle (Ephesians 6:10-18)
Because I know, my battles are not with flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, and rulers of darkness, against spiritual wickedness in evil high places I choose to equip myself today by taking on Your armor. I thank you, Father, for this new day in Jesus’ name.
I stand in this evil day, having my waist encircled with the Belt of Truth. Which will help me stand on His Word and speak truth in love (Eph 4:15). With the Breastplate of Righteousness in place, I guard my heart and walk in righteousness. With my feet prepared with the Gospel of Peace, I walk in peace and spread peace to others by becoming a peacemaker (not a peacekeeper avoiding my responsibility). I take up the Shield of Faith, to distinguish all the fiery darts of the enemy and to refresh my spirit in faith toward You and your will for me this day. I am covered with the Helmet of Salvation, which reminds me of who I am in Christ, refreshes my mind with Your Word, and keeps my mind protected. I take up the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, and choose to use it against my enemy. I will memorize it and feed upon it daily.
Guarding My Heart(Proverb 4:23) God, give me grace and knowledge to see Your image in people, not just the negative. May I also be Your hand extended to show mercy to them.
Whatever plan or scheme the enemy has in mind for me today, I recognize that I have a foe who wants to thwart Your life in me and I choose to walk in obedience to You. I desire to conform to Your will, Father. Jesus is supreme in my life… not Satan, I give the enemy no foothold in me.
I choose to depend on You today to give me the strength, faith, wisdom, and the knowledge I need for this day. I refuse to take offense (Satan’s bait) from those who hurt me or are difficult to be around. I choose to be aware of my feelings, and not allow them to rule my heart. I will guard my heart so that everything I encounter will proceed from a sound heart and mind (2Tim 1:7). Rather than basing my responses and reasoning upon my feelings, I choose to base them upon Your Word.
I will not allow another’s poor choice to determine mine. Because of Your care and defense of me, I do not need to take offense toward anyone today. I choose to receive Truth and grow as you send people to help me, through correction and instruction in righteousness. I will not have an offended heart. Instead, I will guard my heart (Prov. 4:23). Others will feel free to interact with me because they see my genuine love for them.
Fill me afresh today Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:15-20) Fill me Holy Spirit so that I can live this day pleasing You. May I recognize your gifts so that I can serve You in a Spirit-filled way. By this, I will experience good in this day, making the most of every opportunity.
Holy Spirit, fill me every moment of today. Help me remember my body is the temple of God. Search me, and show me anything in my life that I haven’t given over to You or that is displeasing to You. Help me rightly discern anything or anyone that has control over me instead of You: addictions, attractions, money, food, sexual pleasure, any idolatry, so I can get rid of them and serve You completely. Help me walk renewed in the spirit of my mind (Eph 4:23).
I am determined to run my race…finish my course… and do ALL that You have for me to do! Give me strength today, I believe I can do all things through You, as You give me strength (Phil 4:13).
My Position & Posture
My position in You, Jesus, is because of your sacrifice for me. I am justified – all of my past sins are covered because of your shed blood and this brings me great joy and peace.
I need Your help today because apart from You, I can do nothing (John 15:4-5). I acknowledge that I need You in every situation. Reveal to me, Holy Spirit, when I am acting on my own apart from Your will and gifting (Rom 12:3-5). As I live my life with you, I recognize there is rest. There are Angels all around me, protecting me (Psalm 91).
May I recognize your gifts in others and submit to those you have appointed in godly leadership over me. When I get frustrated, I’ve taken my eyes off of You and put them on myself, the person I’m working with or the problem I’m dealing with. Help me get my eyes back on You. May I remember that there is a treasure in this trial…help me keep focused on You.
I choose to receive Your mercy today. I choose to clothe myself with compassion, kindness, love, humility, gentleness, and patience today (Col 3:12).
My Words
Give me grace today, not to say hurtful words. Everything I say and do should edify, encourage with Truth, and be done unto the Lord. May my words bless others and show God’s grace to them (Eph 4:29, Col 3:17 & 23).
Help me be quick to hear and slow to speak (James 1:19). Help me take responsibility for my attitude, my thoughts and my words today. Work with me to be more pleasing to You.
May I be willing to speak Your Truth in Love (Eph. 4:15). Holy Spirit, guide me as a peacemaker and help introduce the Word into situations people face. Remove my natural fears while trusting Your Word to accomplish its powerful work in someone’s heart.
Put a watch over my mouth, so I don’t sin against You with my tongue (James 1:26). May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight (Psalm 19:14).
Your powerful Word (Hebrews 4:12)
Your Word is alive and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. It penetrates even to the dividing of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
As I read your Word my mind is renewed, so I may think properly. I am going to agree with you today. I will not allow myself to spend the day self-focused leading me toward depression, idolatry, or wasting time. I’m going to memorize Your Word and obey what it says. The joy of the Lord is my strength! (Psalm 28:7)
Your Word causes me to recognize Truth. I see that I am blessed above measure. If all I have ever received is your forgiveness of my sin, and a place in Heaven with you for eternity—that would be enough! Yet you continue to bless me.
Blessings & Healing
I come now asking you to bless my family: my spouse, my children and grandchildren (name them individually), my parents, elders, pastors, my siblings, my co-workers, my neighbors, and my friends. Please bless the provisions You’ve supplied to me. May I use them wisely, not frivolously, so that I will have plenty for myself and with generosity, give to others who have much less.
Father, please bless my job, and those I serve in some capacity as a mother/wife, father/husband, homemaker, secretary, employer, pastor, leader, supervisor, and helper. Wherever you currently have me occupying, please give me joy and contentment. And move me forward in Your time. I want to always be learning and growing so I may show forth a testimony of Your goodness to me.
Isaiah 53:4-5 tells of your suffering, wounding, and punishment for me so I may be healed from all diseases, grief, and sin. Thank you, Jesus, for enduring pain on the cross in my place! I can never repay you, but I can love you supremely, above all else. But help me when I am unbelieving and fail, like Peter.
Trusting & Listening
I choose NOT to worry about what I should eat, drink or wear. Instead, remind me that I am Your child and You will take care of me. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow (Matt 6:25-34). I plan to sleep well tonight: because the sleep of the righteous is sweet! Teach me how to let my mind rest and not worry.
Help me to listen to You today, so I may live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm (Prov 1:33). Help me to be pure and peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere today (Gal 5:22-23).
Help me to be better at quick, prompt, complete, obedience to what You show me to do…whether it’s little or big. Help me grow in grace and knowledge today (2 Pet 3:18).
I am sealed by the Holy Spirit. The enemy sees that, but I forget it sometimes. Help me walk with the knowledge and understanding that You are always protecting me.
This is the day that You have made, Lord, I choose to rejoice and be glad today (Psalm 118:24).
Bitter roots in our souls destroy us. It takes a willingness to look inside to see where we may have made a “vow” against someone. In order to gain freedom, we must renounce and repent of that attitude and those words in order to free ourselves from our binding past. Demonic forces gain entrance into our souls through the promises we make. Just as Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit come in upon invitation and confession of our sins, these dark spirits gain entrance through our inner vows of hatred for someone. If we proclaim that we hate someone, these enemies of mankind will be sure to act upon our vows and deliver the goods to keep us bound to our promises. Lying spirits help us along in keeping unholy vows.
Has someone hurt you? Have you vowed to get them back in some way? This is not a wise way to handle hurt and offense. Instead, why not choose freedom? To do so, you will need to repent and renounce the vow you’ve made. When you free yourself in this way, you open the doors to God’s healing of your soul and invite His power to come in. The Holy Spirit is the One who heals and empowers us to walk in a new and holy way, allowing us to love God and others above our natural ability.
Next, find a trusted friend or counselor to talk to about this. Seal your confession and begin solidifying your freedom with God’s Word and good counsel. Allow someone to come alongside you and guide you in your new attitude. Your heart will feel lighter and you will be able to love again.
“See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).
Here are five helpful steps in walking toward freedom:
1) RECOGNIZE that someone has caused you pain and that your response to their sin, or your perception of an offense, will either free you or bind you.
2) RETURN to God if you have allowed the sin of another to cause your relationship with your Heavenly Father to falter. This will involve repenting of anything you have done to distance yourself from Him. You may have been a victim of sin initially, but at some point, you become a perpetrator if you feel you must take vengeance rather than allow God to deal with the individual. Victims can turn into violators if unforgiveness festers.
3) READ God’s Word daily so when temptation comes to react to situations, especially those that involve past pain, you can be freshly reminded of God’s promises to help you overcome wrong feelings. The Holy Spirit renews our minds as we submit to His Word and gives us a new outlook on our situation.
4) REJOICE in the reality that God is faithful to you no matter what you have experienced. He knows the depth of pain you have gone through. Jesus put Himself through the dregs of sins and every imaginable offense so that we would have the opportunity to forgive and be free.
5) REMIND yourself daily that because Christ has forgiven you, you must also forgive others (Col.3:13). Praying for the person who has wronged you helps to develop love in your heart toward them. It’s not because they asked for or deserve forgiveness, rather you’re extending grace to them, as Christ has done for us.
REMEMBER: Think->Do->Feel. Do not let feelings lead you, but God’s Word instead.
Nancy Demary 