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For some of us, moving from a busy family life with daily activity and interaction to one of aloneness creates a feeling of sadness and fear at times. We ask ourselves, “Will these feelings of loneliness I struggle with ever go away? Could this possibly get worse?” These are thoughts that someone goes through when adjusting to the new normal of being alone. I go through seasons of struggle with these thoughts more often than I’d like to. All it takes is a glance at a family leaving church together… walking by a restaurant alone… seeing a golden retriever playing with someone at the dog park down the road. Instances like these remind me of how alone I am. We realize we were made for community and when that is lost we suffer.
I recall a person I knew some years ago stating that divorce is the worse thing that can ever happen to someone. The grief, separation, loss of family, thoughts of what could have… should have been, come to haunt the mind. I understand now what they were saying. I certainly could picture it, but living through it myself makes me realize that aloneness is a battle.
So how do we fight these feelings that can seem so overwhelming at times? It’s true we have comfort in knowing God is with us, but sometimes we need a friend to offer support and care.
I find that God speaks to me often in these lonely hours and reminds me that Heaven is my true home and until I get there, I must recognize that this will be a part of life for me now. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:14-18 ESV
Remembering this battle is spiritual in nature, helps me understand that when I am struggling with aloneness I need to take action steps to connect with someone. Acting instead of reacting is needful. Rather than ruminating over what brought me to this place in life, I need to focus upon the goodness of God in the midst of my circumstance (Romans 8:28). Blaming another person for our position in life will only turn our hearts inward toward bitterness and more pain. Moments of loneliness are normal and they can be used by God to help us reflect upon His eternal greatness and what He has planned for those who love Him.
I find it helpful to consider Jesus’ life on earth for 30+ years. He knew the glory of heaven and relationship with the Father. During His time as the son of man, He suffered in our place, taking our sin; He understood separation and loneliness, along with anguish that we will never experience. When we consider Jesus in this way, we can find Him to be a friend, a brother, who understands. Through this identification, we come to see Him in a new way, a comforting way that reminds us He is here.
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Grandchildren are the crown of the aged and the glory of children is their fathers. Prov. 17:6 (ESV). Life is Beautiful is one of my favorite movies. The setting is WWII Europe, this story is based upon a true account of a father’s protection of his son while incarcerated in one of Hitler’s death camps. It demonstrates a parent’s creative wisdom used to protect his child from harm. I admire the fortitude and inspiration of this father.
parenting contains three stages generally: Control, Motivation, and Inspiration. If the goal throughout each stage is to glorify God by obeying His teachings, we will succeed even with our failures along the way. Parenting is used by God to gain humility in our lives and a bountiful path for our children’s feet. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalms 119:105 (ESV)
CONTROL is the beginning stage. When we look at NASA sending John Glenn to the moon, we realize that without a Control Center, success would not have been achieved. They needed calculated thinking from the brightest math, technology, and engineering minds to reach their goal; parenting involves Control Center principles as well. So let’s view it in this sense for the purpose of this writing. During these early years, parents are the critical thinkers, responsible for godly algorithms that produce success rather than sending their child into a trajectory of poor choices, confusion, and the resulting consequences. Children need controlled guidance in gaining contentment and security in their family. A loving family where the parents give vision, provide stability and take responsibility for decisions is a good foundation to build upon.
The MOTIVATION stage involves encouragement in the right direction, choices and decision making, requiring good management skills by the parents. This still involves some pulling upward toward a goal and some pushing into the correct lane. Rewarding good behavior is involved, as well as consequences for disobedience. Positive motivation is best. When we assume this position we focus upon the good things we see that can be further developed, rather than what is lacking.
Have you ever been so convinced of something, that you made a decision and took action and then wondered how or why you did that? … How could I have been so sure then and wondering why now? What can cause this to occur?
had come to a place of believing, knowing that He was the promised Messiah, yet they struggled through feelings of doubt and fear. They saw the miracles He performed to rescue people from sickness, disease and death, yet they doubted at times… “Was He really who He said he is?”, they thought. They faced this kind of fear often while journeying with Jesus and especially after he was crucified. They were in constant threat of persecution, arrest or even death. Self-preservation was all they knew up to this point in life; it is our natural course. Yet, down the road, something would happen to cause them to become fearless (Acts 4:31), in the face of threats and death.
separate us from the love of God. Once you’ve entered God’s Kingdom you gain power against the workers of darkness (Ephesians 6:12). Have you discovered yet, how real they are? Perhaps not. Perhaps you’re still thinking that dark thoughts come from your own shame, but they actually are planted; sown by your enemy. Satan has a host of “workers of darkness” that come to destroy faith.
Today, if you hear His voice, surrender to it. Do not harden your heart because of past pain, experience or failure. Come into the shelter of His arms and find rest. He will hold you there. There will still be battles until we get home to Heaven, but we will learn how to fight them and like Jesus disciples, we can become fearless in His name and by His power at work in us.
Writing is a delight to me! It is a way we can express the wonders that God places within. Out of our hearts proceed all of the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts… “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” One way to get to know your heart is to write!
Writing is a good way to reflect back to yourself what’s within your heart. It is a great way to allow the Holy Spirit to teach you truth about yourself and your chosen course.
Nancy Demary 