Fear – Page 2 – Nancy Demary

Painful Pasts

Published on October 19, 2019November 13, 2019 by Nancy Demary9 Comments

If you have lived through a very painful past then you are able to understand how exhausting and emotionally dark it can be to recount these experiences… you feel the pain and turmoil all over again — as though you have purposely gone back for more. Who would want to do that to themselves? That is why many never come to healing because they fear the process – but you do not have to.

I recently had a taste of this experience upon my visit home to Wisconsin. After several days into my visit, I scheduled a day to go and visit several friends from the past. I had not previously taken the opportunity to tell some of the details of my recent journey and felt free to share more of my story during this visit. All went well with these friends and I enjoyed my time, but that night in my sleep a floodgate of pain poured into my soul. Upon waking, I felt like I had lost the victorious ground I’d gained – like I had traveled back to a very broken place in my climb; what happened? This experience caused me to think about why this occurred.

When we re-enter the large room of our painful past and relive it, that doesn’t mean we are still there. It may feel that way momentarily, but what we do with these feelings will determine how we think. We can choose to restructure our minds and return to the place of peace God has given or continue ruminating upon the feelings that have resurfaced.

Many face fear when thinking of their past, and so leaving it alone is the solution they choose; yet God has a better way. In my view, if you are not holding tightly to God’s healing hand and being guided by the power His Word offers, it is a fearful and dangerous proposition to regurgitate the past. Hope and healing that proceed from your Creator’s heart is the safest arena from which to process the painful experiences you’ve lived through.

Truthfully acknowledging that we have suffered is honest and right to do. Bringing into the light all that is darkness (or sin) is needful (I John 1:7). Forgiving our offender is necessary (Matt 6:14-15) and is a process that we want to pursue; a good counselor/mentor can help with that. Allow God to set things straight (Romans 12:19). Healing from the wounds is God’s will and if you desire that, it can happen — that’s is God’s specialty.

I’m thankful our hearts and minds can be powerfully renewed and rebuilt through the Holy Spirit’s work in us. Sharing our testimony about what God has done for us is good. When Jesus Christ suffered and died for sin, He offered the possibility for us to gain freedom from our past. This includes sin we have committed as well as those committed against us. Jesus suffered the awful price and penalty for our sin on the cross 2000+ years ago, we are now left to respond to this great gift He offers. How we appropriate His sacrifice for sin will determine our freedom and healing, or not.

If you are struggling concerning the pain of your past, through poor decisions made and/or violations committed against you, I hope this helps you in your climb to freedom. God’s plan is to recover and deliver you from destruction. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy us, but Jesus said He came to give us abundant life! (John 10:10).

There is hope for you! No matter what your journey has been, remember God can redeem it and give you great purpose in your future because of it.

This is part 1 of a 2 part message. We will look at the steps to recovery and deliverance from the pain in the next message.

1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

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Continue to Part 2

Aloneness

Published on June 14, 2019January 30, 2022 by Nancy Demary4 Comments

For some of us, moving from a busy family life with daily activity and interaction to one of aloneness creates a feeling of sadness and fear at times. We ask ourselves, “Will these feelings of loneliness I struggle with ever go away? Could this possibly get worse?” These are thoughts that someone goes through when adjusting to the new normal of being alone. I go through seasons of struggle with these thoughts more often than I’d like to. All it takes is a glance at a family leaving church together… walking by a restaurant alone… seeing a golden retriever playing with someone at the dog park down the road. Instances like these remind me of how alone I am. We realize we were made for community and when that is lost we suffer.

I recall a person I knew some years ago stating that divorce is the worse thing that can ever happen to someone. The grief, separation, loss of family, thoughts of what could have… should have been, come to haunt the mind. I understand now what they were saying. I certainly could picture it, but living through it myself makes me realize that aloneness is a battle.

So how do we fight these feelings that can seem so overwhelming at times? It’s true we have comfort in knowing God is with us, but sometimes we need a friend to offer support and care.

I find that God speaks to me often in these lonely hours and reminds me that Heaven is my true home and until I get there, I must recognize that this will be a part of life for me now. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:14-18 ESV

Remembering this battle is spiritual in nature, helps me understand that when I am struggling with aloneness I need to take action steps to connect with someone. Acting instead of reacting is needful. Rather than ruminating over what brought me to this place in life, I need to focus upon the goodness of God in the midst of my circumstance (Romans 8:28). Blaming another person for our position in life will only turn our hearts inward toward bitterness and more pain. Moments of loneliness are normal and they can be used by God to help us reflect upon His eternal greatness and what He has planned for those who love Him.

I find it helpful to consider Jesus’ life on earth for 30+ years. He knew the glory of heaven and relationship with the Father. During His time as the son of man, He suffered in our place, taking our sin; He understood separation and loneliness, along with anguish that we will never experience. When we consider Jesus in this way, we can find Him to be a friend, a brother, who understands. Through this identification, we come to see Him in a new way, a comforting way that reminds us He is here.

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The Wind of the Spirit

Published on June 9, 2019May 4, 2021 by Nancy Demary1 Comment

Romans 8:14-15 (AMP) “ For all who are allowing themselves to be led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading again to fear [of God’s judgment], but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons [the Spirit producing sonship] by which we [joyfully] cry, “Abba! Father!”

As God’s adopted children, knowing our position in the Kingdom of God gives us the confidence we need to overcome fear. Remember who your Father is — Creator, Sustainer, and Ruler of heaven and earth! Romans, Chapter 8 declares that as obedient children in God’s family we can be free from condemnation and live as His own adopted children, available to freely serve our Father as He created us to. Fear is a major hindrance that binds us from this freedom.

Fear is used by the enemy of our soul to keep us from moving forward into an abundant life of Christ in us. God has provided everything we need to live fully for Him in this world (II Peter 1:3-4.) The infilling of the Holy Spirit gives us the power to overcome our flesh (I John 2:16), and the spirit of this world (I John 4:4), and the demon schemes. As we learn to yield everything to God we become free from the bondage of fear and the enemy’s influence upon our lives.

When we find ourselves in a place of submission under our Heavenly Father in the spiritual realm, we see that fearing a person is a snare. God grants us authority in His Kingdom when we desire a relationship with Him and walk in close fellowship with Him. We are told by Jesus Himself not to fear man, but God. Prov. 29:25 (AMP) ”The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high.” Mt 10:28 (KJV)^“And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. “ Heb 13:6 (KJV)”So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

Fear carries with it doubt and unbelief. Our fear of failure, or how we are viewed by others, reveals our human nature. Human fear, which is rooted in pride, brings us to a place of insecurity and defeat. This fear of man reveals whether we are truly trusting (believing) in Christ as our source, or in our own abilities. Healthy fear equals reverence toward God our Maker.

I Peter 1:17 (AMP) says, “And if you call upon Him as [your] Father Who judges each one impartially according to what he does, [then] you should conduct yourselves with true reverence throughout the time of your temporary residence [on the earth, whether long or short]. “ We need to focus upon the reality of Christ and His purpose for living and dying for us; our perspective will then be adjusted and lined up with God’s.

We are commissioned to share the gospel of our Lord, Jesus Christ; we need a relationship with Him in order to carry out our Father’s business. We cannot do His bidding unless we walk under His authority—as Jesus did.

Loving the world’s ways works against our fellowship/relationship with the Father. It is impossible to maintain both loves at the same time. It would be like a spouse with a secret lover, affection, or idol–you cannot have a full relationship with someone who’s divided, unfaithful. To walk in openness and truth, we must keep the covenant we made with Him. I John 2:15-16 (AMP) says, “Do not love or cherish the world or the things that are in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him.” But when we are in a relationship with him, we love as He loves us. 1 John 4:18 (AMP) says, “ There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love [a]turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear [b]brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection]. “

Remember, God’s objective is to fill your life with Himself, use you in His Kingdom and for His glory which results in great joy and fulfillment. The objective of God by filling us with the Holy Spirit is to enable us to love as He loves, to walk without fear in this world, and be a witness for Jesus Christ. This lack of fear and abundance of love will allow you to walk victoriously. II Timothy 1: 7-8 (AMP) “ For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control]. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord or about me His prisoner, but with me take your share of suffering for the gospel [continue to preach regardless of the circumstances], in accordance with the power of God [for His power is invincible].”

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Stay in Your Own Lane

Published on June 7, 2019March 5, 2023 by Nancy Demary3 Comments

…a continuation of Aspire to Inspire.
Do you know how many grandparents are raising their grandchildren today because they never relinquished control? It is happening for many reasons, but one is that some parents hang onto the control stage way too long. Rather than allowing their children to step out and find their own way, these parents hold on and become surrogates, allowing their adult children to remain immature.

Grandparent, please let go. By crossing the line over into your adult children’s responsibilities, you are actually undermining God’s plan. Our task as grandparents, aunts, and uncles, is to support the parent in their position to govern their home. God has given clear instructions in His Word about proper authority; whether in the home (Ephesians chapter 6, Colossians 3:14-25), church (ITimothy chapters 2 and 3), or civil government (Romans chapter 13).

Here’s a common example: A child is fussing about a food item the parent has given them. Nothing is wrong with the food, but it’s not the child’s preference at the moment when viewing what someone else is eating and the child makes a scene (in public) about it. I have observed the parent addressing the child about their poor response when a “well-meaning” relative steps in to “help“. Perhaps you have done this yourself.

How is that controlling, you may ask — by the response you direct toward the child. Instead of allowing the parent’s words or actions to stand, you override them with something like, “Oh Honey, would you like ____ instead?” As a “well-meaning” extended-family member who feels uncomfortable with the child’s poor response, you’re inclined to rescue them! STOP! Rather, think about what you are doing. Instead of respecting the parent’s position and instruction, you go directly to the child, running interference.

Let’s look at what this undermining response does.

1) Disrespects the parent’s position in the child’s life.

2) Inserts confusion into an existing problem. The child has a simple choice before them. By your input, you are encouraging confusion in the child’s heart and increasing a tendency toward rebellious desires. Rather than training toward obedience to parents, you are reinforcing unhealthy independence. Realizing that age-appropriate independence is needful, if your adult child is struggling with that, then talk to them privately rather than using the child as an instrument of correction.

3) You are building distrust in the child concerning their parent’s authority.

4) You are developing a manipulator and potential addict. Through your actions, you are teaching the child to evade authority (ultimately God’s authority) and to learn to function outside “the law”. You are developing a liar. All children, teens, and adults habituated toward getting their own way end up lying to achieve their desires, whether they recognize it or not.

5) You are supplying your own “need” to be a solver, a giver, a “Grand” parent, as this is more important to you than the child’s true welfare. You may be oblivious to what you’re doing, so please open your heart to hear. You are essentially feeding an issue in your own heart that needs addressing, and you are undermining your grown son or daughter’s relationship with their child.

The Support Role
Recognize your place and role in the relationship. You can inspire those you influence in a proper way that works toward a pattern of healthy relationships. It is never your place to undermine, even though this can be a temptation. You want to be viewed as a wonderful, nice, kind person, in the eyes of your grandchild, niece, nephew, and the viewing public, but you are actually building walls of offense by indulging in your self-centered desires.

When we undermine those in authority, we are acting out of disobedience to God’s established pattern and His proscribed method. We are inviting failure into the multi-generational relationship. This can be changed once we recognize this in ourselves and humbly receive correction. It doesn’t feel good but it does pay large rewards for everyone. There is much I have had to learn regarding this and have made the necessary changes to move forward! And it’s been worth it all.

A note to parents: If this situation with an extended-family member exists, deal with it. Allowing someone else’s authority over your children is vitiating your duty as a parent.

Oftentimes as parents, you will not work on a solution because you are unwilling to discuss and deal with the situation, but you must. If either one of you is ignoring the problem and bringing confusion into your child-raising, humble yourself and confront one another in love (Ephesians 4:15). You are the parents, work this out between yourselves; do not bring further harm to your children or USE the children to display your differences. Develop a united front in your mission; get good counsel so that you do not put your burden upon your children.

Hold your lane so that well-meaning relatives are not tempted to cross over into it and drive your family’s car.

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Previous article (Part 1: Aspire to Inspire–Grand Parenting Tips)

Are You Struggling with Fear?

Published on April 16, 2019December 31, 2019 by Nancy DemaryLeave a comment

Have you ever been so convinced of something, that you made a decision and took action and then wondered how or why you did that? … How could I have been so sure then and wondering why now? What can cause this to occur?

Fear is the enemy we struggle with when doubt is given a resting place. Is there something today that you are confused over or being tormented about? Perhaps a vital relationship that is in trouble; your spouse, child, parents – something is amiss and you are ready to walk away. In these moments there is only one remedy; open the Word of God and search out an answer (Hebrews 11:6). Jesus spoke in various places about His Kingdom and what it is like (Read Matthew 13). Yes, our faith-filled friends can come alongside to encourage us, but in the end we must search and find for ourselves. We must discover faith that overcomes fear.

Consider the disciples during the last week of Jesus life. Place yourself in their shoes: think about what they walked through in the days leading up to Christ’s crucifixion. They had come to a place of believing, knowing that He was the promised Messiah, yet they struggled through feelings of doubt and fear. They saw the miracles He performed to rescue people from sickness, disease and death, yet they doubted at times… “Was He really who He said he is?”, they thought. They faced this kind of fear often while journeying with Jesus and especially after he was crucified. They were in constant threat of persecution, arrest or even death. Self-preservation was all they knew up to this point in life; it is our natural course. Yet, down the road, something would happen to cause them to become fearless (Acts 4:31), in the face of threats and death.

The battle between our natural-man and the new-man, seated in Christ, is what reveals our faith. The ability to overcome our natural fears is found through our identification with Christ Himself, living on the inside by the Holy Spirit. Jesus told His disciples, “I will not leave you comfortless, but I will come to you…” (Please read John Chapter 14.) Remember, growing our faith through wise choices is important.

If you are facing fear today, of any sort, remember that Jesus has come to give you life in Himself (John 10:10). The Holy Spirit living inside of us gives us the ability to overcome fear. There are practices that will help you become strong in your relationship with Him. Reading His Word daily and surrendering your life afresh to Him each day is the starting point. Without the power of God’s words to renew our minds, we will be subject to our own human weakness and Satan’s devices; we will succumb to double-mindedness as James tells us (James 1:6-8). The way to lay hold of stability in our thinking is by building up our faith through the scripture. Pray, talk to your Heavenly Father, just as Jesus did, and as He taught His disciples to do (Matthew 6:9-13). Confess any sin He shows you, turn from it and make things right. You will find closeness with Him greater than what you can share with any person.

We have an enemy that plays with our minds, attempting to destroy our faith and separate us from the love of God. Once you’ve entered God’s Kingdom you gain power against the workers of darkness (Ephesians 6:12). Have you discovered yet, how real they are? Perhaps not. Perhaps you’re still thinking that dark thoughts come from your own shame, but they actually are planted; sown by your enemy. Satan has a host of “workers of darkness” that come to destroy faith.

There’s a couple of songs we sing that reminds me often of how much we live in a culture filled with manifestations of the enemies success in deceiving people into fear, doubt, shame, and sin. I’m thankful for these lyrics that remind us how to counter-act the schemes of the enemy, how to fight our battles, that fear is a liar, we are no longer slaves to fear, and of the relentless, reckless love of God in seeking after us (Read Luke 15). He rescues us if we let Him; that’s what the cross for Christ was all about.

Today, if you hear His voice, surrender to it. Do not harden your heart because of past pain, experience or failure. Come into the shelter of His arms and find rest. He will hold you there. There will still be battles until we get home to Heaven, but we will learn how to fight them and like Jesus disciples, we can become fearless in His name and by His power at work in us.

Hebrews 11:6 ESV And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Acts 4:31 ESV And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.

John 10:10 ESV The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

James 1:6-8 ESV But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Matthew 6:9-13 ESV Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

1 John 1:9 ESV If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Ephesians 6:12 ESV For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

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