Rejection – Page 2 – Nancy Demary

Today is Father’s Day. A time to celebrate and think of the many blessings a father provides to his family, especially his children. But it is often a difficult day for those whose fathers have failed them.

BOUNDARIES

Remove not the boundary (landmark); and do not enter into the fields of the fatherless: For their redeemer is mighty; he shall plead their cause with thee. (Prov. 23:10-11)

God has placed boundaries everywhere for our peace and safety. He provides guidance so that we may choose to live fruitful and joyful lives. Harmony in relationship with Him as our Father and one another is His plan. Family is His design, and it’s beautiful.

TOUCH

I couldn’t help but think about those who are having a hard time “celebrating” their father today. As my pastor was speaking about the value of people, he listed the ways we can value people, sharing a point about how important touch is. He illustrated the importance of babies receiving touch and how they thrive. He very specifically emphasized appropriate compared to inappropriate touch. The message was from Luke 13:10-17 how Jesus touched a woman with a spirit of infirmity and healed her. Jesus touched many women appropriately. Think about Mary washing his feet with her hair and the precious ointment she rubbed on his feet; he was receiving her genuine love and appreciation for Him; at a Pharisee’s house no less. Instead of pushing her away to save his reputation, He allowed her to touch him, appropriately, and He healed her soul. You can always reach out to Him!

Fathers who have physically abused, and/or touched their children inappropriately, have placed a stumbling block in their way. Jesus talks about offenses in Luke chapter 17. He said they will come. But then in verse 2 He goes on to say that if someone offends (violates) a child, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea, rather than causing a child to stumble. Wow, that is severe! The violation of a child through sexual molestation is severe. It does not slide into the category of forgive and forget. It requires diligent effort on the part of the perpetrator to work toward godly sorrow that brings repentance.

FLEE!

Paul tells us in I Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” He is warning us about something significant here. Additionally, we are warned that fornicators (sexual activity outside of marriage) shall not inherit the Kingdom of God. Anyone engaging in sexual behavior beyond God’s permitted boundaries is playing with fire, in more ways than one. The sins we commit against ourselves through sexual immorality are devastating. We may not see it immediately, but the fallout will eventually come. We are warned numerous times to flee; get away from it. And incestuous sin often carries from one generation to the next [1], UNTIL someone decides to break the chain.

Sexual sin is the most devastating sin a family can suffer. It is manifest in many ways; and so many are suffering in our day. We are truly reaping the consequences of sexual freedom in our culture where little seems wrong anymore. I can remember back in the 80’s when a Christian radio commentator spoke about NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association), we were appalled and could hardly believe it. Today there is still some semblance of community standards concerning this, but sexual sin has so overtaken the idolatrous hearts of men and women that we find many within the church struggling to understand the confusion and overcome sexual immorality. Remember, Satan is set against mankind to do one thing, to kill, steal and destroy. Jesus told us this in John 10:10 and that is why He offers us abundant overcoming life. It’s this Zoë life that empowers us to walk victoriously; Holy Spirit empowered life! So we are left to choose.

CHANGE

Wherever you may find yourself today, choose His life! Whether you are living in guilt because you have been violated as a “little one” and that sent you down a dark road of sexual temptation, know that you can recover. The bad dreams can end. The proclivity toward sexual fulfillment, outside of God’s boundaries, can be turned around. Recognize that the patterns you are shamefully finding yourself in can change. There is always hope in Christ, the divine Savior! The all-powerful God of heaven and earth offers you the power to overcome anything by the indwelling divine Holy Spirit! God’s Word is sharp and powerful and able to discern the thoughts and intents of your heart. And He offers you His Word as a solution to your heart problems. If you will dwell there, think upon Truth and believe it, you can change the way you think, act and feel. It’s His remedy. Seek out biblical counsel so you can be made new and become the victor that God designed you to be.

Remember, you may have been a victim, but you can choose today to walk toward a victorious life. God will take all of your dark places and bring light. He will give you the ability to walk in the light (I John 1:7). There is no better place to be.

YOU HAVE A GOOD FATHER

I pray that you will recognize that you do have a Heavenly Father who is faithful and does not desire you harm in anyway. He is the One who takes ALL things and can turn them around for His purposes (Romans 8:28). God wants to be glorified in your life. There is no greater joy than to walk in a way that brings glory to Him. Will you take the steps to begin walking in this way? Focus on thanking Him for what you can now, it will grow and you will become a rejoicing Christian, glorifying God and turning what Satan meant to destroy you with into a weapon formed against Him instead.[2]

Sins against you may have propelled you into the fatherless fields, along with countless others. But remember, you have a home and you have a Good, Good Father, never forget that.

[1] The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation. Numbers 14:18 (ESV)

[2] Isaiah 54:14 In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. 15 If anyone stirs up strife, it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you. 16 Behold, I have created the smith who blows the fire of coals and produces a weapon for its purpose. I have also created the ravager to destroy; 17 no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”

(Photo credit: Pixabay)

Don’t box me in! Has anyone ever said this to you? Have you ever felt like someone has put a “Keep Out” sign up over their heart? Lonely marriages feel like this.

Anne Beiler, founder of Auntie Anne’s Pretzels, told of how during a very low part of her life, her counselor, Richard Dobbins, said, “Anne, Satan builds his fortress in the secrets of our lives.” How true this is.

Another friend told me how out of desperation she was going to see a counselor to find out if he could guide her through what she was experiencing in her marriage; she knew something was wrong, but could not put her finger on it. After listening to her, the counselor said, “Your husband has a secret.” After absorbing the shock and simplicity of his answer, she realized this was the problem. It turns out her husband had been sinfully involved with a different women at each of the churches he pastored. Today they have a healed and rebuilt marriage because the secret was revealed, he surrendered and chose to get ongoing biblical counseling and accountability. He repented and asked God to change his idolatrous heart; and God did as he walked out the parts he needed to.

Perhaps you can recall a discussion that headed into a deeper level of emotion or intimacy, one requiring openness and trust, and the other person was unwilling to talk. Most all of us have experienced this in one way or another. A boxed up heart causes marriages to fail, parent-child relationships to grow distant, and destruction in the home because the heart is locked up over some past offense, current sin, or issue in the heart. But there is hope!

Certainly love is the governing foundation to good relationship and must precede questions that deal with heart matters. If we attempt to share our heart with someone and we receive a poor response in return, we shouldn’t just walk away offended, but rather realize there is a work God wants to do in this situation. Pray, seek God for guidance, and attempt the scriptural mandate to speak the truth[1] in love. This is a demonstration of love for them.

It’s Mine!

A push-back response is not uncommon from someone who does not want you to go near something they have carefully guarded, often for years, in their heart. That secret place contains chambers of pain, an overwhelming past, incidents of wounding, resulting in sin of some sort… thankfully God always has a solution for any sin–great or small.

Heart issues can lay dormant through periods of life; barriers have been constructed to protect these spots. Manipulative behaviors become well defined and careful avoidance is used to protect. So when someone, knowingly or not, comes along and probes the heart through conversation, reaction occurs. A rush of emotions fills the chamber and the fear of disruption causes this reaction. The response is used to remove the threat. Whomever the source, they will face the backlash of self-protection; anger, accusation — something to cause the intruder to shut-up or go away. Unless a wise counselor is invited in to help untangle the emotional fishline, the KEEP OUT sign will remain.

Does this describe your relationship with someone, or several people? It’s painful on both sides; who really wants to endure this continuely[2]? Sadly, so many families suffer estrangement because some are unwilling to do the homework involved with becoming untangled from their hurtful past.

How much better to surrender[3] the “box” to God and allow Him to tenderly deal with each item inside. Truly, it’s not an easy road. Problems protected and hidden, compound over time; give it 20 or 30 years and it seems an impossibility to deal with. But, God is waiting for you.

Loss: Counting the cost

So what’s the alternative to dealing with the secret chambers? Losing everyone you hoped to love; and facing isolation and loneliness, not by desire, but by consequence. Yes, some will squeak through an unfulfilled life, living it out in meager existence. But they will never experience the joy God intended because true love and joy involves giving. Someone with a bound heart cannot give. And the price is enormous, not only for the isolated one, but for those touched by their self-centeredness.

With God, there is hope. He knows[4] about everything in the box. But you must decide to trust Him[5] and the people He will use. He desires to help you take each lousy piece of garbage out of that box and deal with it. “How, you say, “can anything good come from dredging through this?” With God, a miracle can occur when someone decides to deal with the box inside. When we face ourselves, the sins committed by us or against us, and humbly cry out to God like David did: “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me!” — Now God can work! He has the power to free us from this prison inside. That is the reason Jesus came to miracously save us from sin. Trust Him.[6] The release of the captive soul is God’s doing. Satan hates it because he hates you; he’s out to steal all you have, kill you, and destroy you for eternity in Hell (John 10:10). God, our Creator, is waiting to transform you, to give you abundant life in Him; He is doing this everyday for the willing heart!

Do you know that God wants relationship with you? Yes, you are His precious creation and He wants fellowship with you. But what keeps that from happening? A lack of trust, misunderstanding about His great love for you, self-idols on the throne? Any number of reasons can cause someone to feel unable to come to God the Father. If you will seek Him and trust Him, He will reveal Himself to you. He is waiting for you.

Resource: Further and much deeper insights into the captivity and release of the soul can be seen in listening to this 73-minute testimony of Paul Young, a man who describes the “shack” inside his heart. It is a powerful illustration of how God reached in and healed his very troubled heart. Paul came to the end of himself (the ravine; 51 min.) and was delivered.

God places people around us who love and care for us to help walk through this. In Paul Young’s life his wife, Kim, was one of the people God used. Even though she went through her own anger and frustration as to why this happened, she decided to persevere for their children’s sake, and finally saw the reward of her endurance[7]. Another person God used was a counselor, Scott Mitchell (55 min); he guided Paul through the difficult task of looking at what was in his heart, his shack. Paul took 11 years to journey to freedom, and the abundant grace he received, so delivered him that God was then able to use his testimony to free many others. Paul attributes God’s grace, and his wife Kim, and her diligence to holding him accountable, for his life being spared.

Footnotes: [1]Ephesians 4:15 (ESV) Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, [2]Psalms 38:8 (ESV) I am feeble and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart. [3]Psalms 25:16-18 (ESV) 16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. 18 Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. [4] Psalms 44:21 (ESV) would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart. [5] Proverbs 3:5 (ESV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. [6] Psalms 13:5 (ESV) But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. [7] II Thes. 3:13 (ESV) Do not grow weary in doing good.

Here’s one of Anne’s many **testimonies** of what God brought Anne through! I love these girls.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The Bait of Satan contains biblical teaching by John Bevere on how to become free of offense. The teaching helps us look at the condition of our hearts, our expectations, dealing with wrong thinking, and pursuing oneness. “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.” Psalms 119:165 (KJV)